If I were a hockey player...

I forgot that I had wanted to post this earlier...
I first saw this "meme" (i.e. evil chain letter) over at Hockey Rants and have seen it since on other blogs. Thought it be cool to post, so here you go...

If I Were a Hockey Player: I would lack skill, but would be the controversial figure to bring the NHL into the limelight of the American public.
Team: Carolina Hurricanes
Uniform Number: 26 (couldn't guess that one, could ya?)
Position: Wing
Nickname: "Ash", probably. *gag*
Dream Linemates: hmm... Ovechkin on the other wing and Eric Staal at center - Staal when he's playing well, that is.
Rounding out the PP: Mike Commodore and John-Michael Liles
Job: Getting in the way of the other team while my linemates score. Creating havoc in general.
Signature Move: Slide-tackling opposing defensemen to steal the puck.
Strengths: Work ethic, loyalty to the team
Weaknesses: Skating, Passing, Shooting
Injury Problems?: Right ankle
Equipment: Magenta skates, a pink stick, and a rose-tinted visor. Anyone who made fun of the equipment would get cross-checked through the glass.
Nemesis: Buffalo Sabres, Detroit Red Wings, referees, opposing defensemen in general
Scandal Involvement: Punching two different referees *cough* KoharskiandMcGeough *cough* and cross-checking Brooks Orpik through the glass.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Detroit Red Wings
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Drop it, crack it, refuse to let it be repaired due to the resemblance to the Liberty Bell, then, using several halogen lamps and silver's inherent shinyness, use it to blind all those who continually hate on the Southeastern Division
Would the media love me or hate me?: Most would be too scared to interview me, but those who did would find out that I held a hilarious press conference.